


Redemption

by OhSoDecadent



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, First Time, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Own Interpretation, THAT SCENE, Tentative feelings, Told from Fenris' POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 02:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30099117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhSoDecadent/pseuds/OhSoDecadent
Summary: Fenris has come to realise how he feels for his Mage Hawke.The events are told from him as he tries to find his redemption in the one woman who seems to understand him.
Relationships: Fenris/Hawke (Dragon Age)





	Redemption

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh Fenny-Fen, my love. Such a complicated, pretty elf. Of course I had to make it awkward with his love being a mage!
> 
> *evil cackle*
> 
> (originally posted on ff.net)
> 
> ~Decadent

She reached out and grasped my wrist, her face concerned and shining with an emotion that was new to me. I didn’t react well, I’m ashamed to admit that of myself, but after dealing with Hadriana everything felt chaotic in my mind. It was like Hawke herself had waved her staff and created a nightmare world for me, damn magic, what has it touch that it hasn’t ruined?

I shoved her against the wall not too gently whilst my hand cradled the back of her head, the lyrium in my veins throbbed with anger, frustration and desire. Magic hadn’t ruined her, I knew that. I briefly searched her face, I needed to find something, confirm that I wasn’t the only one feeling this, her eyes blazed right back demanding more. I didn’t trust myself not to hurt her for the disease that was the anger burning away at my soul commanded that I treat her as if she was like Hadriana, like my former master Denarius, like all mages I’ve had the misfortune of meeting.

Somehow her hands had slipped behind my back and she clung onto me tightly, pulling me against her further. Could she not see? I could kill her right here, right now! There was no one there to stop me. Instead, I crushed my lips down on top of hers. If I didn’t believe so highly of her control, I would have thought she was a desire demon. She was a temptress pushing her delightful body against me, setting my skin aflame.

Contact had away caused an unpleasant reaction, the lyrium was a curse, many a time I wondered if it was worth living at all. What sort of life could I live? I would never look normal, never be able to get away from my bitterness and hatred. I was living a cursed life, cursed by magic. Here I was, condemning myself further by falling for a mage. I’m sure Sebastian would talk about how this was a divine plan by the Maker, granting me some sort of peace and salvation in the one thing I despised the most.

I dislike this “Makers” sense of humour.

Hawke moaned against my mouth, it only encouraged me further. I grasped her hands away from my back and quickly thrust them up against the wall behind her and above her head. I mould my body against hers, the lyrium is still scorching my insides, everything feels too hot like I’d been unfortunate to encounter another high dragon or plunged into the lava of the deep roads.

I tear my lips away from her, no easy task, believe me. I hear her ragged breathing, but I cannot look her in the eye. I know what will happen if I do, I’ll say something stupid, I’ll come completely undone and lose all control. Losing control is bad, I learnt that all too well by watching Anders lose himself to Justice. That demon inside of him was not so far away from the truth concerning me. I might not have made the deal, or have any true mage powers, but it feels like I’ve been burdened with a true personification of anger my whole life, or at least that of which I can remember.

She calls my name, it’s like she’s speaking to the very core of me. Something stirs deep within, I can’t deny her, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I lost the battle of control. I thrust my hips against her, teasing and testing her, the gasp from her is loud in the deserted manor. I feel the stirring of magic in the air, it tingles along my skin reminding me that she is not someone to mess with, that she was a truly powerful mage that could bend the elements to her will with hardly a seconds notice. I turn to look at her mouth again, it’s darker in shade from our last kiss and shining slightly from the moisture her tongue just provided.

I kiss her again, this time I experiment by flicking my tongue out lightly, brushing against her sweet lips. She responds back enthusiastically, it’s now my turn to growl. She excepting me, her own delightfully wicked tongue is dancing with mine, and this is like nothing I could ever have imagined! As a slave you don’t dream, it’s foolish to dream, to wish, to imagine. Any weakness is somehow exploited, ruined and crushed away, until you are left a husk of yourself. She’s making me want things though, things I had no right to want.

I pull away, my head hangs in shame. It’s too much, too soon. The want is beyond painful, the contact I need, the connection I desperately want to establish with her. It’s been only her from the start, all those years ago. I don’t stay to set up roots or claim anything is mine. I own the clothes on my body, the sword on my back. But why do I feel this way? Emotions have never been my strong point, I’m damaged beyond repair but I want to try, to take something, mould it, make it mine.

“Fenris... Look at me.” Her soft breath tickles the hair resting on my forehead.

I shake my head, closing my eyes I nuzzle into the warmth of her neck, her cheek, her chest. I feel her arms flex slightly against my own gauntlet covered ones, but she cannot beat me for strength. I lick her jaw, the shell of her ear. Her moans are like a Siren calling me to sea, to her sea. The stirrings of her magic are stronger this time, and as I kiss along her collarbone her hands erupt in a burst of fire. She flinches slightly, her eyes are petrified as I finally look into her face.

“I’m sorry... “ She’s begging for my forgiveness.

“Hawke...” I frown my eyebrows slightly, I feel ashamed that she feels she has to apologize for what she is. “It is what you are, you owe me no apology.”

“I could hurt you... I’m not used to losing myself this way.”

“Then this is foreign territory for us both then...” I pause, give her a reassuring smirk and then continue. “But if you’re willing to try with an Ex-Slave who holds no job or a place to call his own, then I would be honoured to ‘test the waters with you’.”

I groaned internally, damn Isabela for that phrase. It sounded stupid, and insufficient for what I meant to say.

“I-I mean..” I try again, I have no idea what to say to portray all the things I want with this here woman.

She hushes me by claiming my mouth, pushing against my body further. I release her hands and I’m gathering her blindly into a tight embrace, Maker I need this, need her. She’s pulling away, grinning at me as she pulls me along behind her. Through the reception room, the main hall, and now we’re reaching the stairs, but it’s been too long since our last kiss, I already miss those teasing beautiful lips. Her hands are fisting into my hair as I press her against me again, her tongue tastes like mint, her lips like wild berries.

My every sense is flooded with her, I’m burning so brightly I’m surprised I haven’t set her clothes on fire myself. She’s leading again, up the stairs to a section of the house I’m never seen before, through an open door to what must be her personal quarters. She stops at the foot of the bed, turns to face me and then with a quickness that surprised me she pushed me down onto the soft mattress.

She stands above me as I shuffle to the edge, careful with my gauntlets so that I don’t rip her soft sheets. She bends down on her knees and draws my left hand to hers, gently pulling off my metal glove as she looks into my eyes. So much trust, so much understanding. Sometimes I wonder if she can see right through me, see to the very depths of me and see my soul. I cradle her face once my hand is free, she’s already working on my other hand, freeing that one too.

I watch as her fingers lightly trace the intricate patterns of the lyrium on my skin, it burns but I don’t want her to stop, but it’s like she already knows for she’s closed her eyes in concentration and then she brushes my skin again. It’s my turn to gasp, she’s controlled her spell enough so that just the very tips of her fingers are like ice. I shudder as she traces higher up my arm, my flesh tingles and the hairs rise leaving my skin covered in those little raised bumps. 

I close my eyes, and now her fingers are against my neck, tracing my lips, the shell of my ear. My head tilts back, she continues to explore my jaw, my Adam’s apple. I can’t take it any longer, I reach down, wrap my arms around her and pull her to me, on me, pinning her down against the mattress as we kiss again.

We’ve reached fever pitch now, we’re in a frenzy to bare ourselves to each other. I kiss along every exposed bit of her flesh, it’s soft, scared and perfect. Her battles show on the outside as well, matching mine in the hardships of life. She’s stronger than I thought, maybe I’m only just seeing her properly for the first time. Her muscles ripple as I caress her, I marvel at how she almost seems to glisten in the pale firelight.

She’s kissing down my body, I’m uncertain about how to treat her, I know my desires but I don’t want to push her or disgust her. She’s trapped her bottom lip between her teeth worrying it, her eyes look down my bare torso and focus on the uncomfortable bulge in the front of my trousers. Her hand tentatively reaches out and caresses me, she’s encouraged by my moans of delight, so she pushes away the remnants of my armour and now I’m bared to her completely.

I shift slightly resting my upper body into the pillows, watching as she pulls off her fine dress and unclasps her breast band. I didn’t think it was possible, but I seemed to throb more with an aching need as she looked up at me through her thick lashes, her face appears even closer to my groin.

I barely control myself as she takes me into the warmth of her mouth, one of my hands seek her hair, stroking her hair and massaging her scalp as she licks at me greedily, the other hand is fisting the sheets, trying to manage the urge to thrust up and potentially harm her. I don’t know how long this continues, I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean, barely able to catch a breath before I’m thrust under again by the fierce storm. I feel a slight tingling sensation which intensifies as she unleashes a tiny flow of lightening around my member, I cry out her name desperately trying to stop the inevitable. She chuckles around me still, and then it’s all over. I’m soaring, riding high on the waves, the sun is shining and everything is glorious, then I’m plummeting into the water and it’s like my breath has all but left my body.

I fall back onto the sheets, my body is still convulsing as my climax leaves my system. She hasn’t released me yet, I can barely watch as my eye lids flutter shut. She joins my side, laying her head near my shoulders watching and waiting for me to recover.

“Huh... and here I was thinking you warriors all have an abundance of stamina...” she’s teasing me again, a smart mouth mage. It’s what attracted me to her in the first place.

I grunt, not the politest way to reply but it says enough. I breathe a few more deep breaths, then I reach for her, my arms encircling her waist.

“I want you to sit on me Hawke,” my voice sounds too deep, gravely, like I’ve swallowed dirt. Wouldn’t be the first time.

“Sit on you...?” she’s questioning my motives, unsure if to trust me.

“Yes, now come here.”

I watch as she shifts onto her knees, placing one either side of my chest. She hovers above me, I can tell she feels nervous.

“No, higher Hawke.”

She shuffles again moving slightly higher, I grasp her hips either side and pull her closer to my face, surrounding myself in her musky smell and scent. I can scarcely hear her, but I feel her tremors and I revel in the taste of her on my tongue, around my mouth, everywhere I can get her. This reminds me of the time I was being punished and starved for a week. This hunger, this absolute lack of control as the desire floods my system.

My hands rake down her back, her stomach, her hips. She shivers above me over and over again, her hands are tightly gripping my hair as she pulls me into her body more, relishing at the thrill of my tongue delving into her depths. Her movements have increased, she’s riding the storm herself, trying to find the last wave to smash into.

I deny her such release. I’m an awful tease, I know, but I want to feel her first climax, want to join with her and take us both to the heavens. I pull her down, pin her back underneath me and I thrust into her with abandon. She moans, reaches up to capture my lips again, we both taste of each other, but somehow that just heightens the moment. She wraps a leg around my waist, giving her leverage to return my eager thrusts.

We’re rocking together, our bodies perfectly in tune with each other. She’s all around me, everything I can see, hear, smell, touch. I love her, I know that now. She’s my redemption, my new start, my one big chance to make something of my life, to start again and discard my old ways.

“Fenris... Fenris!” she chants my name as though I was the Maker himself. “Join me, stay with me...”

I try to keep up with her, but I can feel she’s already too far gone. Her back arches off the sheets, I urgently cling onto her hips, pulling her to my taut body repeatedly until I feel her clench around me, she cries out and she quivers and I’m joining her now.

My arms support my weight from crushing her, but I feel them start to give way. She lazily wraps her arms around my back, stroking me in a soothing way, but I can’t join her in this bliss. My mind explodes, like a chamber that had long ago been locked away has opened, and I see a hundred or so glimpses of my life before hand, before Hawke. None of it makes sense, most of it is one big confusing blur or anger, pain and a burning desire for power. Hadriana didn’t lie, I saw someone who I considered a sister. What could all this mean? Why now? Was this another sick punishment by the hands of Denarius?

She’s almost fallen asleep, oblivious to my new found knowledge. I can’t stay here, I feel so confused, is it the magic inside her that unlocked this for me?

I pull out of her, she moans at my loss and tries to cling onto me tighter, but I’m already pulling away, shoving my clothes on and desperate to put some distance between us so I can sort out this mess.

The conversation between us is vague now, I cannot recall what exactly was said, but I remember how heartbroken she looked, how she wanted to help me but I pushed her away. I’m good at that, I could win a competition in it, it’s my first natural defence.

As I retreated I heard her sob, heard her gentle promise for my ears alone.

“Fenris, I will never give up on you.”

I didn’t deserve her, I never did. She should have left me, hurt me, killed me, anything other than to hear her pain.

I reached her front door, I paused to listen more. I had to remember this, remember the pain. I would never do anything like this again, she will never know pain like this again, at least not while I can be there to help it.

“I love you Hawke... but you deserve a better man than me.”

I walk out, the night air is a shock to my body, or maybe tonight’s events have finally hit me. I crumple right there, on her doorstep, and my anguished howl fills the night air.


End file.
